tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7757387388608137930.post6176355931820403500..comments2023-11-15T23:49:22.421-05:00Comments on The Big C and Me: HEALING AND DEALINGRennhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08617626526633867494noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7757387388608137930.post-41816232039832518852011-09-28T07:11:34.917-04:002011-09-28T07:11:34.917-04:00(Silence = feeling ignored. Period. No matter what...(Silence = feeling ignored. Period. No matter what someone is going through!) <br /><br />So right Renn...I know he loves me to pieces..but it still hurtsDebbihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04412856097408650189noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7757387388608137930.post-78093165624922175432011-09-28T00:46:45.187-04:002011-09-28T00:46:45.187-04:00Debbi:I'm so sorry about your son! Give him ti...Debbi:I'm so sorry about your son! Give him time to come around. You said it best: "People's lives go on." So true. The world keeps on spinning and we end up spinning.<br /><br />MDG: Thanks, BB! No one can fully understand how isolating it feels to be frozen out unless you've been there. The "I'm thinking of you" comments are the sweetest, simplest and the best. That's really all we want to know... that someone is thinking of us!<br /><br />(Silence = feeling ignored. Period. No matter what someone is going through!)Rennhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08617626526633867494noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7757387388608137930.post-91313323078487386782011-09-27T23:33:26.128-04:002011-09-27T23:33:26.128-04:00Renn - I can totally relate to the complete check ...Renn - I can totally relate to the complete check outs! Some of the most surprising one's were from my own family members. I realize cancer is scary...but it's even more scary for the person who has it so we need some support...even a simple "I don't know what to say but I am thinking about you" vs. the complete check out. Well written girl!Mdghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13689474820971862717noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7757387388608137930.post-85242078389265836792011-09-26T07:25:05.682-04:002011-09-26T07:25:05.682-04:00I have found very quickly that peoples lives go on...I have found very quickly that peoples lives go on.<br />Check outs?????<br />I'm laughing thru the tears here.<br />My son..(yes the one who shaved his head a week or so ago for me) has totally checked out. I go days and days and he doesnt even call to see how I'm feeling.<br />It's so disappointing that he would shave his head (with the note , you can post this on your blog) only to go almost a week and not even take the time to make a 5 minute call. <br />He didnt even know until my mother called him two days later that they put the port in for chemo this Thursday.<br />She put the quilt trip on him ..( told her DO NOT do that again.<br />If he dont call , he dont. It's not the same if he feels pushed to do it. <br />So he's on my blog...bald head and all...but I never hear from him :(<br />Others...so far have been so caring and loving.<br />I'm waiting to see what happens as more and more happens.<br />DebbiDebbihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04412856097408650189noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7757387388608137930.post-56395907255062103842011-09-24T10:11:31.635-04:002011-09-24T10:11:31.635-04:00Renn, your honesty here brought tears to my eyes. ...Renn, your honesty here brought tears to my eyes. I can always use a reminder of the kind of friend I desire to be! Praying for you. Yes, really, I am. Wishing you the best most peaceful day possible!Maryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16576182360963956966noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7757387388608137930.post-11489907116940191952011-09-23T12:00:11.616-04:002011-09-23T12:00:11.616-04:00Beth: Glad and also sad that it resonated. (Glad y...Beth: Glad and also sad that it resonated. (Glad you stopped by, sad that you personally know the "checkouts.") The feeling of rejection is painful — and shocking, in a spin-me-on-my-head-and-tell-me-this-isn't-really-happening kind of way.<br /><br />Nancy: Oh, the checkout levels vary for sure. I totally get it! And thank you! ;-)Rennhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08617626526633867494noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7757387388608137930.post-59443264732677329112011-09-23T10:22:33.883-04:002011-09-23T10:22:33.883-04:00Renn, I love this post. I know exactly what you me...Renn, I love this post. I know exactly what you mean about all of it. There is a certain amount of hiding that goes on isn't there? I'm slowly coming out and hiding less. It's a process. Sadly some people do check out and that comes at various levels of check out too, if that makes sense. Some in my own family checked out. Anyway, this is an excellent post. Thanks for writing it. Your blog is great! Thanks for having me on your blog roll too. I'll be adding yours too, but I'm slow...nancyspointhttp://www.nancyspoint.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7757387388608137930.post-81417690104680414982011-09-22T23:31:06.937-04:002011-09-22T23:31:06.937-04:00Renn,
Thank you for discussing the all-too-painfu...Renn,<br /><br />Thank you for discussing the all-too-painful checkouts. I had many friends whose outpouring of support and love anchored me, but I was surprised by the people who checked out of my life -- for good.<br /><br />At the time, the feeling of rejection was more painful than the cancer diagnosis itself. <br /><br />Renn, this is an excellent post that resonated deeply within me. Thank you, thank you, and thank you for posting it.Beth L. Gainerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08780737397716824019noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7757387388608137930.post-2354805174560202432011-09-22T15:23:18.307-04:002011-09-22T15:23:18.307-04:00Mary: I'm so happy to hear that! Yes, bungled ...Mary: I'm so happy to hear that! Yes, bungled is better than being ignored. Spread the word! ;-)<br /><br />Cynthia: I hear ya, sistah! Very true that our friends/family members assume others are filling in the gaps. Simple comments ARE like gold!<br /><br />Pinkunderbelly: "My friends did what I needed rather than what they wanted to do" sums it up. In the best of worlds, people would offer their help — and we would feel comfortable telling them what we really needed. And thanks for reminding me of my rock star status. (I had forgotten!!)<br /><br />PS I have learned so much about how to better help others (and how to ask and receive help myself) after going through this whole BC experience. I'll be writing more about this topic again soon!Rennhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08617626526633867494noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7757387388608137930.post-84791498371848457322011-09-22T14:56:38.146-04:002011-09-22T14:56:38.146-04:00Oh, honey -- I get it. I really get it. The comple...Oh, honey -- I get it. I really get it. The complete checkouts are so baffling to me. I have a family member in the complete checkout group and it is very weird. I'd rather have someone say the wrong thing than say nothing. I really treasure and value my friends who did what I needed rather than what they wanted to do for me. One friend drove me to all my post-surgery appts, one vacuumed my floor and played with my dogs. Invaluable! I'm so glad you're getting the word out. And as for your avoidance process and hiding out in your robe, you are entitled. Listen to your heart and do what you need to do. But remember, you're a rock star, scars and all.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7757387388608137930.post-82154411024618654082011-09-22T12:45:06.597-04:002011-09-22T12:45:06.597-04:00Beautifully said, Renn. I was surprised by the che...Beautifully said, Renn. I was surprised by the check outs as well. I remember thinking a day or two after my mastectomy, lying bald and exhausted with my drains, wondering...if I don't get flowers for this, what the hell does a girl have to do? But I guess the thing is, the patient is the only one observing the whole process. Individually, our friends may be assuming that someone else is doing the coddling and hand holding. It is a good reminder of the choices we ourselves make in the future. A simple phone call, a plate of cookies, a word of concern - gifts of gold for the person shouldering the weight of a serious disease.<br /><br />Sending you a hug.Cynthiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03081995834192948768noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7757387388608137930.post-74041575828535250932011-09-22T07:32:08.038-04:002011-09-22T07:32:08.038-04:00I think it's great that you make it clear - co...I think it's great that you make it clear - contact, concern and most of all love, even in the most bungled way is much better than nothing for fear of embarrassment or some such difficulty. Because of you, I'm not going to let that happen on my watch -<br />Mary xAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7757387388608137930.post-25750179865029993402011-09-22T00:58:34.589-04:002011-09-22T00:58:34.589-04:00Ladies, I knew you would understand. I'm sure ...Ladies, I knew you would understand. I'm sure it's hard for folks on the outside looking in to get how this really feels. But it needs to be discussed. It's time to air cancer's dirty laundry! ;-)Rennhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08617626526633867494noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7757387388608137930.post-91526553509563716872011-09-21T21:02:17.238-04:002011-09-21T21:02:17.238-04:00I know what you mean... most everyone is beyond su...I know what you mean... most everyone is beyond supportive and helpful and caring. <br />But then, it's someone close to you that surprises you by not checking in, not calling, not being there for you. My youngest sister is that way. It's changed my relationship with her, although she probably doesn't even know it.Sjnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01248247475325728054noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7757387388608137930.post-35434010652502651892011-09-21T19:26:53.358-04:002011-09-21T19:26:53.358-04:00Oh, Renn-this touched a nerve! Actually it touched...Oh, Renn-this touched a nerve! Actually it touched all of them. Avoiding looking at myself, not having my (then and don't know what to call him today) "husband" making me feel all warm and fuzzy about ANYTHING, friends who came running to be "part of the event" when I was diagnosed to fall off the charts when I really did need things (like rides for my last two rounds of chemo-I took car service-was on ativan for anticipatory nausea and couldn't drive myself). I just needed a ride there and a ride back. I didn't like company while I was in physical pain as the poison dripped into my veins. People only wanted to do things the way THEY wanted. "If I'm driving you, I'm staying with you." Enter Robert DeNiro in the role of Taxi Driver (I wish). And then, I met all of YOU. And for every person that dropped off the charts, ten of you are now in my life. I treasure your words on my blog and I love that you have invited me to share your story. Cancer is a solo journey until you find your sisters. I found mine. You make me smile all the time! Love, AnneMarie xoxoxAnneMariehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17728571907921895836noreply@blogger.com