The Big C and Me

Monday, November 25, 2013

Monday, November 4, 2013

Who among us hasn't experienced the awkward moment when a well-meaning person utters something inane (or insane) in response to our discussing our cancer treatment or diagnosis (and/or our mental, physical or emotional processing of the two)? You know, the verbiage that doesn't stay inside their head but is inappropriately spilled out onto yours. And you, as the cancer patient, are left feeling unheard, misunderstood, and thinking, Did he/she really just say that?

METAPHOR FOR CANCER

I was going through my archives when I found this 2011 blog post entitled "Land of Confusion" — very popular among readers. So I dusted it off and am rerunning it. Let me know if it strikes an emotional chord with you...

JEN "JELEBELLE" VENNES

The breast cancer blogging community has lost another wonderful woman, wife, mother, blogger to the scourge that is breast cancer — Jen "jelebelle" Vennes. She was 39.

Jen penned the supremely well-written, super honest, often raw and always inspiring blog, KeepTheCalm. I'd been following her story since Spring 2012, when she first wrote about the chemo drug Navelbine (something her nurses jokingly referred to as "navy bean"), which was part of the trifecta of chemo drugs she was desperate to have work...

MOVING ON AFTER CANCER: MELANIE (FIRST IN A SERIES)

Many positives come out of cancer, and I admit I don't always write about them. But today I'm going to. The biggest ones involve the many new friends I've made since my December 2010 breast cancer diagnosis. I often refer to these friends as The Rubies, and I'm fortunate to have several sets of such wonderful gems.

Long before I was on Twitter, and about four months before I started this little blog...

PINKTOBER PREPAREDNESS

With "Pinktober" right around the corner, I received this morning from Dr. Susan Love's "Act With Love" Research Foundation. Dr. Love understands the challenges, the politics and the need for greater research (vs. "awareness") with regard to breast cancer and is busy putting programs in place to not just raise research dollars, but to actually tap the people of the world so we can assist in the research itself. It's pretty impressive...

3 REASONS FRIENDSHIPS FADE POST-CANCER

I wrote a blog post back in January 2013 about how our relationships change at various points during our cancer treatment, how the demands on our time changes, and how this can leave us feeling invisible. It struck a chord with many, so I thought it might be important to post again. Maybe you (or someone you know) can relate...

6-WORD MEMOIR WEDNESDAY

Happy Wednesday! If you haven't visited the Smith Magazine website lately, I encourage you to do so. It's a fun, eye-opening exercise in storytelling brevity. Since it's only fair I write one myself, here goes: I am feeling anything but resilient. I've plucked a dozen six-word memoirs ...

ON THE FLY & OFF THE CUFF

A few days ago, I read an article on the front page of the Los Angeles Times about a woman named Jacqueline Suskin who sits at a tiny table at fairs and farmers markets up and down the West Coast. She types on-the-spot, improvisational poetry (on her vintage green typewriter, no less!) while you wait. Oh, and you get to name the price you pay her.

I find that fascinating...

WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A CANCER SURVIVOR

I've just read a brilliant and profound article on what it means to be a cancer survivor. I wanted to Tweet about it, but there's so much more to say than can fit in 140 characters.

The article I'm referring to was written by the indomitable Gayle A. Sulik, PhD (author of Pink Ribbon Blues: How Breast Cancer Culture Undermines Women's Health and founder of the Breast Cancer Consortium)...

METS MONDAY: ACTIVISTS & MAVENS

On Saturday, July 27th, 2013, AnneMarie of Chemo-Brain fame celebrated seven years of living with NED (No Evidence of Disease) post-breast cancer. Of this milestone, AnneMarie reflects...

RENN'S TOP 20 BLOGGY IDEAS

While I've been busy not blogging, I've been amassing a large number of potential blog posts. Some are half written; others are merely a headline. Some describe experiences I've had yesterday; others occurred long ago. All include insight gleaned from my breast cancer experience.

This bulging list of ideas overwhelms me...

THE ROAD FROM ANXIETY TO RESILIENCY

Lately, every click I make leads me to more bad news. Storm clouds seem to be everywhere I turn. I need a buffer between me and life.

I need to become more resilient.

By definition, resiliency is being able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions. Um, that would be my life this week. A tale of too much. Allow me to explain...

WRITER'S BLOG BLUES

In case you haven't noticed, I've hit a wall with my blog posts. I've placed my hands on this keyboard more times than I can count, trying to find a way back into blogging about TheBigCandMe.

After my dreaded rash finally receded (turns out I developed an allergy to laundry detergent and soap), my scars healed, and my doctor was no longer on speed dial, my writing mojo took a sharp turn down the road of recovery — and has all but evaporated.

I've got the writer's blog blues. But I'm in good company. Many of my bloggy friends (The Accidental Amazon, Bringing Up Goliath, Breast Cancer Sisterhood, to name but a few) decided to suspend their blog writing so they can focus their energies on living life post-cancer.

Other blogs come to a screeching halt because the writer died from cancer...

WRECKED TALE

I have been rather remiss in my blog posting. I was out of town, I got busy, I took a nap, I went out of town again, I got busy, I took another nap, yadda yadda.

So tonight I sat down at the computer with a few minutes to spare before bed, with the

intent of catching up on a few pals in the blogosphere. I got excited to see that my friend Shannon, who blogs over at Green Monkey Tales, had written a new blog post. Shannon is a sporadic poster; her prose, some of it fiction, is truly brilliant. I eagerly clicked her link.

I had no idea what her blog title "Wrecked Tail" was supposed to mean, but figured it would be funny; Shannon is hilarious, and often sprinkles a little monkey humor into her writing.

It wasn't long before I realized what she was sharing wasn't funny at all...

KAREN, TC: AN UPDATE

The blogosphere is a pretty amazing place, filled with some pretty amazing people.

Some are bloggers. Some are readers. Some are commenters. Some are all three; some are two; others, one.

In our burgeoning breast cancer blogging community, we have a special woman who is a faithful reader and commenter on so many of our blogs. She always signs her name "Karen, TC." I never knew what the "TC" stood for; I never asked.

Turns out it means "The Commenter." How perfect. How clever.

I always looked forward to Karen, TC's comments...

9 METASTATIC BREAST CANCER MAVENS

DAY 25's challenge: Share something from another health activist that everyone should know. (Only something? I've too many 'somethings' to share.)

Last week, Jody Schoger — beloved co-founder and member of the Breast Cancer Social Media group #BCSM — revealed she has metastatic breast cancer (MBC) after having no evidence of disease (NED) for 15 years. Yes you heard that right: 15 years later she became metastatic.

The blogosphere was abuzz with shock and love and support for Jody. Unfortunately Jody is far from alone; 155,000 Americans are living with MBC right now. Since Day 28's challenge is to create a must-follow list on a single social network, I'm focusing on bloggers with metastatic breast cancer. I know there are many MBC bloggers out there; if you have an MBC blog and aren't listed below, please leave a comment in the section for a future post. :-)

Here are 9 of my favorite MBC bloggers. To read more of their work, just click on their blog links and SHOW THEM SOME LOVE!!

CELL DETECTORS and SOCIAL MEDIA, DAY 23

DAY 23 of #HAWMC, PART 1: Write about a device I wish existed to help me track my health. I'd invent a portable meter-like device (like the one diabetics use) ...

AN ORDINARY SUNSET, DAY 22

DAY 22 of the #HAWMC challenge: Write about something ordinary that’s inspiring; something simple, perhaps overlooked.

Time to confess: I am a cloud chaser. I make it a point to look out the window every night to: A) see if there are any clouds in the sky; if so, then I: B) go outdoors and look up to determine whether what I see is sunset worthy. If yes, then I: C) grab my camera and head to the hiking trail. If no, then I: D) stay home and finish the dishes.

There is an odd cloud phenomenon that I've noticed; maybe you have too...

HIKING IS THE BALM, DAYS 20 & 21

I'm a bit behind in my WEGO Challenge writing — which is appropriate since the topic I stalled on is burnout! With today being Earth Day and all, I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone (pardon the nature idiom).

DAY 20 of the #HAWMC asks: What gets me OUT of burnout, or OUT of the pit of despair when nothing is going my way? I get thee to the wide-open spaces.

Hiking up a hill that spills out onto a breathtaking vista is the surest way for me to
put my problems into perspective. The sight of nature acts like a vacuum for my worries, sucking them into the wild, spewing them out across the valley floor, rendering them too infinitesimal to take me down.

I love to hike in the morning when the light is bright and the breeze still chill, before the air drifts up between the canyons and gets toasted by the sun.

I also love to hike when there is a threat of an approaching storm. Weather of any kind is a reminder that nature is in charge — and I am not alone.

Because it isn't just me up on that mountain; there is a pulsing world of wildlife living in the chaparral and the bunchgrass.

Bees and insects alight on dainty blossoms, ants aim for the lily leaves, flies feast on coyote scat. Rabbits run through sage scrub; deer disappear beneath the protective cloak of an evergreen, a sycamore, a bay laurel or a black walnut tree. The mountain sings with the sparrows and wrens, swoons with the red-tailed hawks, swoops with the eagles and falcons.

Lazy lizards with amputated tails stop to sunbathe, while ground squirrels appear like popcorn out of holes in the earth. Rattlesnakes and tarantulas co-exist — it's us that must make our peace with them.

I often encounter the unexpected when hiking, and I look for (and embrace) these moments.

It's always a good day when I spot a horse being worked out much like me on the trail. Or when I hear the roar of half a dozen cops on motorbikes who stop to shoo a king cobra off the trail and warn me of others farther down the hill.
I also know if I hike too close to sunset, I risk entering "Beauty and the Beast" zone. That's when nature puts on her technicolor light show, while hungry coyotes with their haunting howls hide stage left and right.

It's also when I see the evening birds fluttering above me in a quickly darkening sky and I recognize them for what they really are: These are the imposter birds. I pick up my pace and pull my hat a little lower over my brow, hoping to make it to my car before the bats drive-bomb my hair.

Despite my sundown dance with the Princes of Darkness, no matter when I take my leave of the mountain, I make sure to leave my troubles there too. Let the wildlife have at my worry; I've got some livin' to do.

DAY 21 of the #HAWMC asked me to ponder this quote: "The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all," then write about where I bloom best. I believe I just did. Two challenges in one post, two birds with one stone. Whew who!